My mom wants to be at my birth.

May 8, 2016

 A new member of the family is arriving : Your baby.  You are excited and a bit nervous. At times you may feel very much your mothers child. Especially when you are in the middle of your 28th "morning sickness" moment. And now your mom has announced that she wants to be at your birth.

 

If you have a great relationship with her, this sounds great. If you don't ... well.  Whatever the case it is a conversation worth having both with yourself  and your spouse and finally with your mom. 

 

Expecting a baby is a huge moment in your life. Consider that it is also an important passage for your mom.  She is becoming a grandma.  She probably wants to share with you "the secrets"  she has learned in her journey and she might feel that her answers are best. She knows you will understand her differently as you start your own journey into motherhood.

 

It might be you who wants her by your side and she may be reacting different from what you expected. 

Some moms seem controlling, or overbearing while others are indifferent and distant. Becoming a grandmother might be hard to digest for some and a long awaited threshold for others.

 

Your spouse's feelings should be taken in to account as well.  It is a moment of transition for all.

 

Whatever the case, consider the following.

 

- How does your spouse feel about your mom being part of this intimate moment.

 

- What were your mom's birthing experiences like? Is she fearful or trusting of birth?

 

- Will her presence help you relax or will it stress you? How does she react when faced with pain or stressful situations?

 

- Do you feel like you will have to take care of her during the birth or will she be able to care for you?

 

- Are you afraid of hurting her feelings?

 

There is no "one right answer" to this. 

 

Make sure you and your spouse both talk to her. Consider different scenarios  and how you all feel about them. Explain your expectations and fears as best you can. Candid honesty is a good policy. It is easier to deal with "hurt feelings " before the birth. 

 

With good communication her presence may be very helpful as long as she is aware that you can change your mind at any time. If having her with you is proving stressful it is best to find her a "role" away from your eyesight. Communicate with your birth team. They can be very helpful.

 

 

 

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Elena Piantino
Doula Services

+41 79 478 5994

Nyon, Switzerland

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